Happy

Happy

Written by: Dave DeRose

I had a job interview today.  In my car praying beforehand, I prayed, “God, I want to thank you for this opportunity. I don’t know your will and whether or not this is what you want for me. Please know I will serve you, faithfully, wherever you want me.” I definitely think praying is a skill and I have been practicing it since I committed my life to Christ in last November.  I certainly have a long way to go, but something happened today that has never happened before. I felt God touch my heart. It is a hard feeling to describe, but it was in the right spot, right inside my heart. It felt like if you put joy into energy, and placed it inside your heart, it radiates from within.  It almost brought me to tears. Now, I am smart enough to know this doesn't mean that I am going to get the job.  For me, what it means is that God is and will be with me.

I know what you’re thinking.  What does this have to do with “happy” Dave?  I would explain, I am setting the scene for my epiphany.  You know when your flesh desires something so intensely that it is almost painful? Things such as; promotion, increase, or improved relationships?  I was living in this manner for a long time.  I let my ambitions, ego, and countless other personal behaviors get in the way of my happiness. I have only come to live by Christ recently and have learned a considerably large amount about myself in a brief period of time. I have faced many uncomfortable self-realizations.  Let’s just say God has been very candid with me lately.  One thing has remained constant throughout this process, my happy level through each personal hurdle has increased immeasurably. I am seeing life through new eyes.  I think I can now explain what this thing called “happy” is in an entirely new way.

After the interview, I spent some time debriefing with my parents (they are such a blessing I can’t even begin to tell you). I took a moment to look and my baby nephew and soak in his cuteness as he slept gently in his crib. Then I headed home, took my dog on a walk, and reflected on my earlier experience in my car.  It was during this walk that it hit me.  Happiness is not an accomplishment thing, a physical thing, or can be given by other people.  Happiness is taking a moment to invite God into your heart, feeling His presence, and enjoying the present for all of its glory.  I watched my dog grinning as we walked through my neighborhood. Feeling incredibly peaceful, I realized how blessed and lucky I am.  There are things I don’t have that I wish to, someday. Knowing and understanding God is with me through life, even when life gets hectic, people are rude, or I fail, He allows me enjoy life.  I don’t need what He doesn’t want for me.

Take time to pray, let God touch your heart, look at all the beauty in your life that is only possible through and thanks to Him, and know He is with you as you walk through all seasons of life; this is what happiness is made of.  We can’t focus and let our emotions be effected by the things we cannot control.  When we submit to the present moment, that we have thanks to God, our level of “happy” will increase. Happiness is a God thing, it can’t come from anywhere else.  Recognize this and watch your life transform.  

Confessions of a Social Chameleon

Confessions of a Social Chameleon

Written by Dave DeRose

There's something special about someone who knows who they are. There are many people out there wondering aimless, not knowing their identity. For a long time, that was me. I was a social chameleon, blending into other peoples lives. I felt imprisoned by attempting to be like those I was around.  Listen to their music, go to their places, and enjoy their hobbies. I was doing just to do. It was exhausting and I was unaware I was doing it. I, the quintessential "people pleaser." I did things that I know are not a part of my character just to maintain positive relationships: to keep the peace. I did things in the name of entertaining other people to ensure those around me were satisfied and happy, not considering what I needed.  As I look back, I was truly living an empty existence.   

To regret this time as a social chameleon would only increase my despair. Instead I look at it as a learning opportunity. I feel as though God wanted me to spend a season of life there to understand where people are coming from. I found wisdom in various methods of living, even if they were not in line with who I am.  

Ranking Religion

Ranking Religion

Written by: Dave DeRose

In this world of faith, there are so many misconceptions. I see identity crises everywhere. People speak of church, forgetting what the original church was. "Anywhere where two people meet, and I am the reason, I will be there," that is church. I had a post sent to me recently that tapped into labels. Labels within Christianity frustrate me. Labels denote practices, rituals, and artifacts. In order to have true faith, one must let go of labels and hold on first, and only to, Jesus. As many different people there are in the world there are equally as many different ways of interpreting faith, scripture, and God. If everyone would grasp this idea . .  . that everyone is allowed their own interpretation and relationship with Jesus, then I think Christianity would take new form. This new form would be reminiscent of water. Let me explain.

Grace is like water, to use a Bruce Lee analogy. Grace fills the vessel. No matter the shape, color, or size It forms to fit that unique vessel, filling it with what is vitally needs. As everyone's lives give them different circumstances and experiences; so does Grace interact with them differently?

Saying that one way of expressing faith is better, or that another is inappropriate, goes against Jesus’ original intent for what the church should be.  The church is simply two or more people gathering to worship Jesus.  All the other acts and rituals have been created based on interpretation of scripture. They serve as symbolic manifestations of scripture.

The enemy wants to divide, rank, and judge. Any group, which promotes negative views of peers, whether they are Christian or not, does not follow scripture. For the Bible clearly says, “Jesus is the way,” but it also says “Judge less ye be judged.” It is not your job to judge one who has an opposing view than you. It is your job to love them. Love thy neighbor, after all. It isn't just, “Love thy neighbor if they are the exact same kind of Christian as you.” I don’t believe that Jesus would want these divisions.  The Church is the people, not the labels we give ourselves because labels are made by men to separate and categorize. 

True church is the feeling you get when you share faith with someone and you feel the Holy Spirit present. If going to a specific church helps you feel this, then good. Stay there. However, if your church encourages judgmental ideologies, it is not God centered.

Lost in Perfection

Lost in Perfection

Written by: Dave DeRose

Flaws in my thinking

I used to believe if things weren't perfect than they weren't meant to be. It was a philosophy based on a misconceived perception of a need for perfection. This has negatively impacted multiple areas of my life. I will identify these areas and describe the impact this method of thinking has had on my life.

Relationships

I'm not a patient man. I am the guy who is a very passionate when a relationship begins to bud. I get overwhelmed with joy and filled with excitement. Blind to my new love's flaws I fall fast and hard. Time and time again, without fail, within the first year, the "tingles" begin to fade. I begin to see my new love in a different light, warts and all. This is where things go south. I believed that things should be perfect all the time and that relationships shouldn't be work, They should flow like a gentle stream. However when the stream turns into rapids, my response is always the same: I bail. I would find excuses to end things. 

Work

I became a teacher because I am a self-proclaimed history nerd and I truly love inspiring students to improve their understanding of how the world around them works. For the first three years, I absolutely loved my job and couldn't have seen myself doing anything else. I was blinded to the flaws of education. However, I have been admittedly struggling for the past two years. I teach at a school that is high impact, and things are rarely perfect. The adrenaline of a new career is wearing off. The resistance of the system is being unveiled.

Work should be perfect, right? Trying times with hard student behaviors, attitudes, reporting abuse to child services and seeing nothing done, and  parents who don't value the work I am doing. Many don't treat teachers as professionals. The thrill of inspiring students all but faded. I found myself just trying to get through the day. I started to play the blame game, just like my relationships. I blamed the money - teachers don't get paid much, I blamed my political stance - I don't have traditional views on education compared to most teachers, I blamed it on my success as a personal trainer - business was going pretty well. I was executing my exit strategy. 

Realization

What I had to do was acknowledge my depression and reflect on why I was feeling this way. Fortunately, I was guided by new friends who introduced me to literature that helped expose answers. The most vital realization was that tingles and excitement fade. Nothing is new forever; whether in relationships or career.

The fact is that we -weather self or society imposed- are often defined by our relationships and careers. So what do we do when we realize things aren't perfect? The answer is simple; break things down to the most essential part: values. Does this job or relationship fit your values? Seeking the answer to this question is the most valuable journey many of us will undertake. It allows us to discern between meaningful and damaging relationships and careers paths. Focusing on this one question centers thoughts to what matters. When the excitement is gone, and we are exposed to the flaws, it can feel raw and uncomfortable. That's what reality is. I know now that my desire to always be "perfect" was holding me back from having genuine relationships with and feeling connected to my career. In cutting and running, I missed out on opportunities to grow and develop within my values. To deepen my beliefs and stance in this world. 

I was chasing ghosts, fleeting ideas of a reality that are non-existent. It's not like I was being malicious, I mean who doesn't want perfect? The crazy thing is, when you realize things aren't perfect all the time, it makes the sweet moments even sweeter.

Looking forward

Where do we go from here? How do we take this realization and apply it to daily life? When we feel the sting of reality, we should reflect on why we feel upset, mad, hut, or sad. When we can identify the source of our frustration it often reveals our personal strengths. The things that have the power to alter moods, do so for a reason. I was mad at education because I care about it. I feel called to make improvements. To speak up. I have gone from wanting to quit being a teacher to become a personal trainer to being in grad school working on my administrative license. As far as relations ships, I have had to grow deeper in understanding what my values are. I was giving the wrong qualities too much power in my decision making. All of those failed relationships were failing on purpose. Discovering my values has led me to at least look in the right places. 

Time to share

I share my story because I know I'm not alone. There are many out there like me who chase perfection. Who are lacking in quality relationships. Who have lost their identity within their vocation. Who are playing the blame game in attempt rationalize bailing. It is my hope that these people receive this message. Life it's not about achieving perfection, it's about finding beauty in all life's flaws. Understand that things frustrate us because it is something of value. If you keep chasing perfection, you'll never find it. If you center yourself on your values, be unwavering, the right things will happen. 

A closing thought

I can tell you that since coming to this realization I have had a vast improvement in mood and outlook. I feel a renewed energy. My students have even noticed a difference. One of my students recently exclaimed, "Mr. DeRose, you've been in a good mood lately!" Yes, I have. I am free of the burden of achieving perfection. It's not lost on my family either. My sister asked about my change in disposition. Unable to clearly explain, I simply told her a lot has changed.